:: The Memory Burns ::

:: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 ::

On Writing

I have been pondering the act of writing lately. Writing has been a part of my life since the earliest days that I can recall of my childhood. I have been with a fairly consistent writing group for about 15 or 20 years now and I enjoy the craft and companionship quite a bit.

There was a time in my life that words flowed through me like water. The pinnacle of this was a period of about 3 years where I was writing poetry so prolifically that I had to carry an electronic voice recorder, or a pad of paper and a pen, with me every minute of every day because entire poems would pop into my head, completed, spontaneously and often. It was like being addicted to cocaine. It was an amazing high. A sensation of truly living and being connected...to everything! It was like being a conduit to some unknown being who desperately needed me to push these words out onto paper, perhaps for the world to see. It was an imperative! It was knowing the truths of the universe. I was let in on the secrets of life!

When that went away I felt like something had been stolen from me. I was sad and lonely for a very long time, but I never really told anyone. I felt like my best friend had left me; my greatest love had fled. I felt unloved and unworthy. I felt like I was being punished, and maybe I was because I was squandering a generous gift.

These days I'm lucky if I can string a coherent sentence together. And it's taken me a long while to figure out what the heck is going on, but I might actually be there! I may actually have sorted out the issues.

First, I am an ENFP or ENTP or some anagram like that. What this means is that my personality lends me to enjoy starting projects but fail at finishing them. And this is VERY true to my nature. I love the thrill of new things, but despise the drudgery of finishing them.

Second, I have no desire to publish. I thought I had the desire to publish, but I could really care less. I write for myself, first, which is just fine. But I need to cultivate some interest in publishing all of this stuff, or there is no real reason to keep going. Without the interest in publishing, or even entering some of my stories or poems into contests, there is little to spur me own.

Third, and probably most important, it has finally occurred to me that writing... the act of writing well... means that you have to separate your writing self into two people. Jack Heffron, in "The Writer's Idea Book" calls these two personalities The Writer and The Author. I might call them The Writer and The Publisher because, as Heffron points out, they have two different, potentially opposing, functions. The Writer has to be the creative self; the one who desires to put words and ideas onto paper, to create situations and characters, and to draw resolutions for them. The Writer is the one who loved to play with words! The Publisher has to be an editor and an agent; that person who desires to close the deal... to finish the project... to get it 'out there'. The Publisher is a very serious sort. The two cannot coexist. They have to remain separate. If locked in the same room together they will not get along. They will argue about purpose and time spent and they will have two differing goals. The Writer has to come along first, and only when The Writer is done can The Publisher (or The Author) step in. At that very moment The Writer has to go away, unless called back by The Publisher to do more work.

I absolutely am The Writer. I want to create and play, not deal with the serious business. To continue the craft I must cultivate The Publisher in me. And even though I say this I can already feel myself cringing away from that part of me that needs to be cultivated. It seems a disgusting, evil thing to me. It gives me the creeps. Is this my dark side? Ewwww.

Labels: Writing

:: Greta 4/27/2010 11:52:00 PM [+] 4 comments

4 Comments:

If that is your dark side, you are too good. Sounds like the Publisher is all about discipline. I wish I had more Publisher in me too. Ignore it for a while if you don't enjoy that part. It's not like writing is something that you have to live off of. Why isn't joy and the "high" enough to keep you going?

By  Angie, at 11:09 AM  

First of all, congrats on your blog! I think you are very brave to do it. This entry on writing is revealing and helps me know you a bit more. I'm very glad you shared this with me.

I relate to the different selves from a zen perspective where they are described as creator and critic, or child and adult. As you say, they can't be active at the same time or else they conflict with or negate each other and generate a negative state of mind that is toxic to producing anything of value.

Examples of how they can support each other ... the critic can schedule play time for the creator, and work time for itself, and ensure that those appointments are kept. And it's not just business ... the critic can declare that a particular writing session is for creating, exploring, and playing; and another session is for editing or researching.

The critic needs the creator to generate material it can work with; the creator needs the critic to keep raising the standard for what is good writing, channel the energy, and decide how best to publish the work.

I had a music teacher who made me close my eyes and imagine how Gabriel the trumpeter in the bible would sound if he played the music I was about to play. Then I had to play the piece while hearing that same heavenly music in my head and imitate that. So my task while practicing was to be able to more perfectly replicate what was in my head, and my task while away from the horn was to improve the quality of what I heard in my head by listening to more music, analyzing what was good about it, and seeking out better performances.

I think that writing can be approached in the exact same way. Keep reading and analyzing films, etc to improve your range and ability to conceive of narrative and character, and keep writing to see if you can make what shows up on the page more closely resemble your internal ideal.

These concepts work really well for me when I can apply them, but I'm a spoiled child (as you say you are) in that I just want to play. At those times, it's hard for me to see that an adult approach to writing is beneficial and can allow for a different kind of fun.

By  Bill, at 11:31 PM  

I can't understand your problem... I mean, I turned on my computer to do some writing.. but then checked email, then joined a Google Account, then commented on your post, then... what will I do next to keep from actually getting some writing done? Oh wait, that's what you were saying to begin with, perhaps it's a symptom we get from those around us... sorry if I spread it to you. Or was it Bill, or.. no, couldn't be Karen, she finish's what she starts. ;)

By  Dale, at 10:15 AM  

Bill, excellent insight, as always. Love the wisdom of your music teacher. If I stopped to ponder in any way, shape or form before I acted half of the time I would be nicer, more productive and more economical in all areas of my life. Alas, though I understand the wisdom, I rarely put it into action.

I think the writing area I am creating will lend itself to a more relaxed feel, and will invite me to stay and ponder things more readily. I've already put my meditation corner back into use in my life and I see great, positive things becauce of it. All in just a few short days.

We shall see how I make out in the long run...

By  Greta, at 9:11 PM  

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