:: The Memory Burns ::

:: Thursday, April 15, 2010 ::

My Life With the Saints, Part I

I have been reading a book called My Life With the Saints by Fr. Jim Martin, a Jesuit Priest. This is a book that my mum bought for me a couple of years ago. It's a book that I really wanted, and it was a book that I asked her for when she was looking for a gift for me one day. And it is a book that has sat on my shelf, unread, ever since. I honestly don't know why I haven't read it until now. Maybe it's because I can be shiftless and lazy, or maybe it's because it is one of the last things I received from my mum before she died and I wanted to make it last. It's hard to say.

But what I can say is that, in my four years of time with the Catholic Church, I have yet to be able to figure out what the saints are all about. Sure, they each have their special causes, and, sure, they are heroes for us... examples of what we can and should strive for in our lives. But, over and above that, what's the deal?  Fr. Jim is leading me down the path to enlightenment.

It all started when I saw another copy of the book at a Catholic book store on sale... half off (sense a theme in my shopping, yet?). I immediately thought of my friend, Angie, and decided to buy it for her. Not only would it make a nifty gift for a friend, but then I could maybe rope her into reading it at the same time that I was, and it would give us something to talk about, other than television and movies (not that those aren't great, fun topics. But...).

She started reading before I did, and that gave me the impetus to dig in. I'm glad that it did. Fr. Jim has a great writing style. He truly engages me in the matieral and he makes me think beyond what little I know about the saints. More importantly, he is spurring me on to want to investigate further on my own. In what little I have read so far I have been moved to really ponder the lives of some of the saints; to sit with them and spend time with them and to try to get to know them and their motivations a little bit more. In other words, he is making the saints more real to me, and is helping me to engage them in my faith life.

But it's deeper than that. Through this book I am starting to ruminate with the saints (is that even a sentence? Travis, help me out here!). By that I mean that I am stewing with them. I am becoming immersed in them, bathing in the time I spend with them; allowing it to seep into me. And I need that. My prayer life can be amazingly shallow. I think I spend a lot of time in prayer, but I think that it is often empty prayer. Listless and stilted; often including the weather report, sadly enough ("Thanks for the awesome weather, Lord! Yuck, it's a bit rainy out today, Jesus. Can you change that for me?"). If I'm not talking about anything more important than TV with my friends, and the weather with Jesus, how deep of a life am I leading?

Okay, let's take a step back. My friends and I do engage in deeper conversation, but I think you get my drift. The easy road is talking about the latest TV shows and movies we have watched. The harder path is talking about how ridiculous you feel because you can't strike up a stunning conversation with God; or with people, for that matter.

But when I think of it it occurs to me that most of the time the intimate moments of my life are spent with my friends in companionable silence. Honestly, those are often the most meaningful moments for me. That I can sit quietly with a friend, and still feel that I have spent valuable time with them is an amazing experience. And it's a rare thing. I find that most people feel obligated to fill up the awkward moments of silence, often with meaningless chatter. I think it takes honesty, integrity and deep commintment to be able to sit silently with someone and to learn to enjoy their company that way. It is about the only time I am a good listener, really. If you sit quietly with someone you can get a real sense for what they are experiencing in their lives. You can tell if they are sad or happy, tense or relaxed, anxious or at peace. The spoken word often masks what we are truly experiencing.

So maybe my prayer life is a little deeper than I think. Maybe that time I spend sitting with God, not saying a word, which is probably 80% of my prayer time, is much more valuable than I have ever thought? I'm only halfway through what Fr. Jim wrote about St. Therese of Lesiux but my initial reaction is that he seems to portray her as someone who felt the presence of God very clearly. Someone who was immersed in his presence and someone who felt prayer more than recited prayer. Now that's a saint I can put my weight behind. That's a saint that I should be praying with. That's someone who I can understand, and, more importantly, who can understand me, even, probably, when I don't understand myself.

I remember when I first started learning about Catholicism that I didn't understand why Catholics were so excited about Jesus. He was the son, not The Man. You have God, the Father, so why do you need his kid? I thought Jesus was a guy who's picture hung on the walls of the houses of people who were sad and lonely. Boy was I wrong. It took me a while to understand who Jesus was... how integral he is in our lives. Now maybe I'll get a chance to meet some of the saints on a deeper level, too, and learn to view them as more than historical or mythological figures. 

The good news is that I have plenty of time to learn. The better news is that there are a host of people out there who are willing to help me get where I need to go. You know who you are. At least those of you who I have already met. So, thanks guys! Never hesitate to give me a shove in the right direction. Clearly I need it.

Labels: Faith, Jim Martin, Saints

:: Greta 4/15/2010 09:17:00 AM [+] 3 comments

3 Comments:

I'm beginning to think that "seep" is your favorite word. Love Fr. Martin!

By  Angie, at 3:22 PM  

When I first read this I thought Fr. Martin was sending his love. :)

Actually, I think "sleep" is my favorite word. Lately I seem to crave it above all else!

By  Greta, at 6:04 PM  

Meet me Upstairs someday, lil one.
Let's gitta BIG-OL-BEER.
Gotta lotta tok about
exploring the
Xtra-ordinary
X-ponential.
Cya soon Upstairs, dear...

By  -blessed b9, Catalyst4Christ, at 9:13 AM  

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